My Mommy Body is Failing Me.

My Mommy Body is Failing Me.
My body is bruised up, it aches, my hips lock up, and bladder feels like it will fall out every time I workout. Now don’t get me confused when I am writing this post. I do love the skin I’m in. When I actually have the time to get dressed up I often feel beautiful. Yes, I don’t have my skinny Rebel Girl dance team hot college bod. I’m not that person anymore, and I am okay with that. I do love my body, but hate it at the same time. I want to be able to RUN, but my post pregnancy hips won’t allow me. I want to hit the gym and do sit ups, but gaining and loosing 50lbs in under 15 months took one hell of a toll on my ab muscles. Will I ever get them back? It depresses me that my body physically can’t do what it used to do. I used to run 5ks in under 30 minutes, cheer for hours during a UNLV basketball game, or perform a difficult hip hop competition routine. Now my mom bod barely allows me to run a mile. With my mom bod, I am strong in other ways I guess. Now I can lift a total of 50lbs of children in my arms carrying my kids from car to the store then back to the car all while having a heavy diaper bag slung over my shoulder. I can also push their 50lb cute butts in a 15lb double stroller but my body doesn’t allow me to run as fast as I used to or as long as I could. When I finally start to run, my hip will lock up to the point where I can’t even take one step or I will collapse. I have pushed myself to the limit during one of my tragic-hip-lock-ups and fallen over, using my running stroller to brace me from hitting the black pavement that once used to be my get away. I may sound crazy but if you’re an athlete of any sport you get it because as a competitor-we push ourselves to the max. This black pavement that used to be my friend, my cathartic outlet, has now turned into my enemy. I feel so offended that my body, at the moment, can’t be pushed the way my athletic mind wants to. I am still suffering the battles of birthing a 9.5 oz child almost a year later. Every time I put on workout clothes (which is often) I ask myself: will I ever get my endurance and ability back? I can no longer kick my leg past my head or even do the splits- things might fall out. I know, I know I’m being hard on myself. And maybe I can get my pre-baby hot Rebel Girl, I can do anything body, back but I need help or a support system. I try to stretch, run, or dance but beat myself up when I can’t do something and then sadly give up. I remember one time I was at the gym attempting to do my first few sit ups post pregnancy. It was an utter joke. I couldn’t even lift my shoulders off the dirty gym floor. I instantly felt defeated. I could sense the gazing eyes of all the fit people at the gym staring and laughing at me-I had to fight back tears. After collecting my thoughts and looking around-no one was really looking at me, they were all into their own workouts, it was just me judging myself- my harshest critic. As I write this blog on my iPhone, I am pedaling on a stationary bike holding back tears of failure because as much as I want to put down my phone and pedal like the speed of lightening, my hips won’t allow me, my knees ache, and even though I just went to the bathroom I feel like I have to pee again. After every workout instead of feeling high as a kite or happy that I broke a sweat- I feel defeated like I lost a championship. I am almost a year post pregnancy and I still don’t feel “normal” again. This is something that as an onlooker probably seems strange-for me I luckily lose my pregnancy weight rather quickly. People may see me as ‘skinny’ but what they don’t see is my lack of ability and inner confidence. Will I ever dance again? Will I ever run a 5k again? Is that all over for me now that I’m a mom? It’s something I am okay with giving up because being a mom is everything. But my athletic dancer mindset hasn’t changed and doesn’t want to let go. If you’ve suffered through this ‘mom bod failure’ before, what are some tips and suggestions you have for me? Original article and pictures take https://redlocksandshamrocks.com/2017/01/15/my-mommy-body-is-failing-me/ site